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- I love to make good wine bet I can make you whine good too.
- I couldn’t help noticing you’re drinking the same wine as me. Are you trying to copy me?
- This ain’t no beer belly. It’s the gas tank for my love machine.
- I can see you have a lot of grapes, how about a date?
- I think we could make beautiful wine together.
- I’m driving to Paso Robles next weekend to scout out land for planting a vineyard … would you like to be my co-pilot?
- That bottle of whiskey is 40% ABV. Do you really need any more proof to come home with me tonight?
- You remind me of a tumbler of whiskey. You’re mature, smooth, and I’ll definitely be pounding you tonight.
- Poop corn.
- Then I had the biggest vowel movement ever.
- Have you seen the new movie, Constipated?
- Your own are just about bearable, but everyone else’s are horrendous.
- Dung-are es.
- Why is the toilet a good place for a nap?
- Why did the man bring toilet paper to the party?
- Have you seen the movie Diarrhea?
- It leaked, so they had to release it early.
- It hasn’t come out yet.
- Wanna hear a poop joke?
- Waiter: “Pooping.”
- What’s the best snack to eat while watching a movie that stinks?
- How do you get the bathroom unlocked in a hurry?
- With a doo-key.
- What is a piece of poop’s favorite dance move?
- What did one piece of toilet paper say to another?
- “I’m feeling really wiped.”
- Poo pin’ and locking.
- When is the best time to go to the restroom?
- I need to buy a new toilet bowl.
- The one I have is full.
- Poo-thirty.
- I ate four cans of alphabet soup yesterday.
- What do women and toilet paper have in common?
- They both deal with a lot of crap.
- What do you call a planet that poops?
- The Captain’s Log.
- What’s a surfer’s second greatest fear?
- Uranus.
- What did one toilet say to the other?
- Nah, they always stink.
- The person who originally said,
- Never mind. It’s too corny.
- Why doesn’t Chuck Norris ever flush the toilet?
- Why don’t people take their phones into the bathroom?
- To look for Pooh!
- A shart attack.
- Do clown farts smell funny?
- “You look flushed.”
- What do cows call poop?
- You pull the sh*t out of him.
- What do you call a bathroom superhero?
- One is terrible, and one is tear able.
- People who tell you they’re constipated are full of crap.
- Flush Gordon.
- When Queen Elizabeth farts, is it considered a noble gas?
- What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
- Moo-nure.
- Why does Piglet always smell bad?
- “Laughter is the best medicine,” clearly never had diarrhea.
- Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
- He scares the poop out of it.
- Dung.
- How do you help a man with constipation?
- He’s a party pooper.
- It’s in the restroom.
- Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
- What did one toilet paper say to the next?
- To get to the bottom.
- Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
- They don’t want to give away their IP address.
- What did Spock find in the Enterprise toilet?
- Because he plays with Pooh.
- What’s the difference between good and bad toilet paper?
- What do you get when you poop in your overalls?
- Children are like farts.
- It runs in your genes.
- Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
- Why did the lady stop telling poop jokes?
- I like toilets for two reasons.
- Number one and number two.
- It got stuck in a crack.
- What’s big, brown, and behind the wall?
- Hum pty ’s dump.
- The Super bowl.
- Stop making me laugh.
- Two rolls of toilet paper walked into a bar.
- One rolled out.
- “Did you order a number two? I have one ready for you.”
- Parent’s truth:
- Why did the chicken cross the road?
- Shampooed.
- The chicken next to him farted.
- What does Superman call his bathroom?
- What did the bottle of conditioner do to the toilet?
- How do you say “fart” in German?
- Far from poo pin.
- The further you are from the bathroom, the more urgently your kid needs to poop.
- My love for you is like diarrhea.
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turd les.
- I bought a toilet brush yesterday, but I’ve got ta say…
- Why do ducks have feathers?
- The turd one.
- What’s brown and firm?
- Where do bees go to the bathroom?
- Potty Training Day.
- What do you call a magical poop?
- What is a fart?
- The BP station.
- Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?
- A lonely cry from an abandoned turd.
- What do special effects designers call bowel movements?
- If pooping is the call of nature…
- Is farting like a missed call?
- Pooini.
- Customer: “Waiter, what’s this fly doing in my soup?”
- They’re called 3-D farts.
- Poop is a crap palindrome.
- What did you get when you mix castor oil with holy water?
- A religious movement.
- “You’re on a roll!”
- To cover their butt quacks.
- Everyone told her that they stink.
- Because the “p” is silent.
- What’s your favorite cartoon?
- The Brown Family Law Firm.
- I prefer toilet paper.
- What do you get when you combine a Sham-Wow and a Snuggie?
- I can’t hold it in.
- Toilet paper is a good example.
- What do you call a fairy in the bathroom?
- Stinker bell.
- What’s the definition of surprise?
- What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
- A reason to pee in your pants.
- How do you make a house made of dung smell better?
- You never really appreciate what you’ve got until it’s gone.
- A fart with a lump in it.
- Did you hear about the constipated composer?
- He had problems with his last movement.
- Which movie is always the worst of the trilogy
- Salad shooter.
- It helps me stay in touch with my inner self.
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