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- Once you go Jew, nothing else will do
- I’m a chacham in yeshiva, but a rasha in bed.
- Which commandment do you want to break?
- When Korach sinned, the earth swallowed him up. When you’re naughty, I’ll swallow you up.
- Even though it’s breaking a commandment, I’m worshipping you right now.
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- The gates of repentance are always open…just like my heart for you.
- I know I’m one of the chosen people but I just want to be chosen by you, baby
- If your legs are chag, can I visit you on hol ha-moed?
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- I wanna go bilam on you and hit that ass as hard as I can.
- The first line of the Shma commands us to “Love the Lord with all your heart.” After meeting you, I don’t think I can keep that mitzvah.
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- You better put that matzah away, because I’m going to make you wet.
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- Come shake your tush at tonight’s shabbos tish.
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- That’s a nice-looking yarmulke you’re wearing, but it would look even better lying next to my bed tomorrow morning.
- You must not be kosher for passover because you’re making my matza rise.
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- You must be Egyptian because I’m a slave for you.
- Israel’s south may be a desert, but my negec is overflowing.
- How bout I play Moses and u play with my staff.
- Don’t worry I won’t Passover you.
- We lost gaza. No need to lose the strip.
- My nose isn’t the only thing that’s big…..
- Are you a torah? ‘Cause I wanna dance with you all night.
- I finally understand the true meaning of the Sabbath. It’s to give a girl like you a rest from running through my mind the rest of the week.
- Yo gurl don’t Jewish that you were mine
- You look familiar. Did I read about you in shir hashirim?
- Do you want to make tonight different from all other nights?
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- We could use that oil to light the menoah, but I’ve got a better idea…
- I like my women like I like my dreidels…..bottom heavy
- Instead of the torah, can I study your body 3 times a day?
- After getting lost for 40 years I’ve think I’ve finally found what I was looking for
- Lets do it Adam and eve style, behind some bushes.
- Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, heart for heart. You stole my heart, you owe me yours.
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- Want to party in my sukkah?
- My apples are just dying for your honey!
- You give me a lag b’oner.
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- Can I put out your burning bush?
- Studying nezikin is fun, but I now what you really wanna study is my zraim.
- Do you want to try my Hebrew national hotdog?
- In this shul, women are not called up to the torah. May I call you up at home?
- Girl, I wish you were a torah, so I could undress you and run my yad all up and down your columns…
- Can I put my knife between your lechem mishneh?
- When you come to my house, the Mezuzah isn’t the only thing you will be touching!
- I wanna light your menorah.
- Do you wanna spin my dreidel?
- Like ma’oz tzur, I’m longer than you think.
- I would love to wonder in your wilderness for 40 years.
- Did it hurt when you wrestled with Jacob (because you’re an angel)!
- Whether I use my mouth or my staff, I can make water flow from your rock.
- Are you bar mitzvah, cuz I need a woman?
- God just told me there was going to be a flood and I’ve decided to save you.
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- Do you want something to atone for on yom kippur?
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- Unlike the torah, I’m gonna put my hands all over you.
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- The safe word is shibolet.
- Funny, I don’t remember climbing Jacob’s ladder, so how did I end up in heaven?
- I’d make you an aguna, but if you want I can still tie you down.
- Want to go fiddle on a roof?You know how it is with Jewish culture, everything begins at sundown!
- Are you the milk or the honey I was promised?
- Dang girl, I’d like to bake my rugelach in your oven.
- I think I just broke the omer. Because when I saw you my heart sang.
- Have I seen you on j-date?
- Do you want to try for 9 crazy nights?
- It’s shavuos so we better go all night.
- I’ll be Moses, you can play with my staff, and I’ll scream “Let my people go!”
- Are those matza balls in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
- How about you and I make the dead sea come alive.
- We won’t violate ba’al taschit if you swallow.
- I may not be Elisha but will you open the door anyway.
- Is your name nadav or avihu? ‘Cause you are smoking hot.
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